Clockwork + Novelry

Desperate Love

5.7.13

From the second your ears are assaulted with the two synthesized kick-drum beats to the repetitive ‘dun-dun-dun-dun’ of the underlying Moog groove, it is perfectly apparent that Lisa Lougheed’s “Run With Us” is exactly what a late-80′s cartoon theme song should be. It made you want to run with The Raccoons. I wanted so desperately to be a resident of the Evergreen Forest[1]. How does this lady singer know about the passion in my eyes? Doesn’t matter, they’ve got everything I need. I never really listened to the words of the song as a child, but looking back upon it

The Dirty Proletariat

4.26.13

I know a lot of you are intimidated by me, a blogger,[1] but the truth is I’m just a regular idiot like you. I do dishes and I pay electricity bills, you know? It can be an exhausting existence on this grand pedestal that is membership in the blogging illuminati[2], so every now and then I think it’s good to humanize myself to you, the plebeian monstrosity. Thinking. What could be more humanizing than the act of rational thought that only we homo erectus have mastered? We all do it. As Winston Churchill once said, “Rational thought is the great

Bargnani! Bargnani! Bargnani! The Bargnani Shop!

4.25.13

Andrea Bargnani is a favorite target of mine. He’s an undeniably talented basketball player, but when I find myself staring into those cold, dead, close-set, half-open eyes rolling around there in the middle of his languid blow-up sex doll face with his perfectly circular mouth agape—I simply can’t resist the temptation to make fun of everything about him. That said, I’ve talked it over with the team over here and have decided to take him on as a personal mascot. Inexplicably nicknamed ‘Il Mago’,[1] this remaining half of the ‘Killer B’s’[2] will appear every now and then around here to

Blogging

4.24.13

For a few years now I’ve wanted (and tried several times) to make use of this blog. It’s never gone particularly well in the past. I have a few theories as to why I have difficulty keeping it going (laziness, being a boring guy, being dumb and ugly, etc.), but I’m not totally certain. Surely at least part of my problem is that I want to, and believe that I can, put out something earth-changing every time I use this thing, which, I’ll forlornly admit, is a tad unrealistic. Not because I don’t have countless earth-changing ideas,[1] but because I

Talkin’ ‘Bout Watermel’ an’ C’offe

11.26.11

Coffee and watermelon used to be my two biggest nemeses. Everyone I met extolled their virtues to me, persuading me to give them a try. Which I did, many, many times. As a small child I must have had some scarring incident with a watermelon, because no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to like it. I eat a lot of it during the summer, all in a futile effort at convincing my buds (taste, that is) that they appreciate it. But they don’t. And, while I know I should NEVER deal in absolutes, don’t think they ever

On Graduation: Or The Vocation Reappropriation

5.4.11

There are times when I wish I had been born into a situation where I could step right into my career without worrying about it or having to plan it. I’m fairly confident I could be happy doing almost anything. Not that I don’t want to be doing what I’m doing. I like to think I am a reasonably well-read individual, though in all likelihood the scope of my literary undertakings is far too narrow for me to be considered as such. In any case, my third-favorite writer (behind Stephenie Meyer and Janette Oke) is this fellow, Wendell Berry. My

Not Funny, Not Interesting.

1.3.11

Christmas time is over again. The problem with winter in Edmonton, is that we blow our load way too early. Winter barely gets going and all of a sudden it’s Christmas time! And for a while it feels like everything is leading up to Christmas and that after Christmas it will be spring. Unfortunately, spring will not arrive here in the frozen tundra of central Alberta for another eternity.